the back burner

So tired...

of not getting everything done.
of not sleeping much.
of investing and then wondering if anything worthwhile happened.
of being belittled for my height and heart.
of serving wealthy tables.
of not having time for the people I really care about.

Yeah, I guess that's it. I worked my last day at the Chattanooga Macaroni Grill today. Well, yesterday. Tonight. It was nice to have Susan and Hannah mad at me for leaving. And I had the well-wishes of the chefs and the servers. And getting a big hug from Ann and Braden was awesome. (Two hugs, each a different flavor of awe.) But when I walked away across that lonely parking lot, I wondered if my presence had made much difference, after all. Finally, I think, two things happened: I learned to wait tables, and I learned to wait. Relationships don't just happen. Waiting means cultivating patience, and cultivating patience means waiting.

Good night, tired world. Maybe you will be a more lively world six hours from now. Maybe my eyes will be more lively.

Or at least able to focus.