I find myself going around shutting down interactions with people, lately. This is odd because I've been craving some good interaction. There's this neurotic urge to fit into the language and culture that can easily turn into plain old fear. DON'T LET THEM SEE ME MAKE A MISTAKE! AAAACK!
Just today, I think I walked away from random encounters with five people who must have thought I really didn't like them (three old ladies in a cafe where I was studying and two guys working in a kebap shop). Each time, it was just a case of me not really understanding what they were saying to me. That's a perfect opportunity to abandon propriety and start laughing at how dumb you sound. Instead, I played the, "what on earth are you saying to me?" card. It's like wearing a shirt that says, "All the doors to having a spontaneous relationship with you are CLOSED and LOCKED. So SCRAM."
Ugh. I hate it when this happens. It's so counter-intuitive to behave like that.
Posted by nickles at February 12, 2007 02:28 PM | TrackBackand i should add that this happens a LOT. it's like a running gag i keep stumbling over. sooner or later i'll relax and start laughing.
i wonder where this pressure to have perfect interactions and perfect communication comes from.
Posted by: bob at February 12, 2007 02:43 PMI think you said it, it comes from fear. But for me at least add a healthy dash of ego too.
I HEAR you on this! Us verbal types like our communications to reflect our thoughts. But words, particularly in second languages, usually don't sound a durn thing like thoughts.
Good luck in the future with the relaxing and the laughing, you'll get there I'm confident.
Bob, you are so talented at so many things. You're very good at filling in that one missing link in a social group...like the oil that lubricates the engine...that when you're limited like this, naturally it's frustrating.
You'll get there, Bobbo. Keep plugging away. Thanks for sharing so we know how to pray for you.
It'll be a good chance for you to show your vulnerability, and at the very least your dependence on the Lord. Is he able to work through someone as non-lingual and rude and seemingly socially clumsy as even you? (Rhetorical question...of course he is!! The work he began in you will be completed! Keep relying on him and not on yourself.)
Your friend,
Krista
I know this is a week late but I was in Thailand--sorry. I just want to say, I understand that horrible language barrier. I called to order water yesterday and ended up in tears. They just kept talking to me and then laughing, and I was laughing and trying to understand them, and understanding 2 words out of 10, and finally just hung up because they knew my address, and they knew I wanted 2 bottles of water. And sure enough, the water guy delivered it 15 minutes later--but I still have no idea what they were trying to say. And then today I was trying to buy a bottle of water (hmm, it's all water related) and the shopkeeper was trying to say something about it. sigh. oh well. i guess that's just the way it goes. good luck and keep trying. sounds like you're a lot farther along than I am!
i think there's a cycle, for me:
being rude > realizing it > shutting down and staying away > going commando on the culture in reaction > feeling insecure > being rude
Posted by: bob at February 22, 2007 06:54 AMhmm. i'm wondering if there are other ways where I (or you, or others) live out similar cycles- or different cycles with similar roots- in my home culture...things that look differently from what you just described, but show up in more acceptable ways here.
Posted by: sarah j. at February 23, 2007 10:32 PM