We have the new, amazing, booty-lifting jeans.
Thus spake the sign in the Memorial City shop window. I slowed from a quick, disinterested clip to spend more time staring. The jeans looked normal (except for the gold rivets), but I still felt like they demanded some personal response. I looked around and slurped my Dr. Pepper. It felt like a good time for an internal voice-over, in the voice of William Shatner having a flashback.
Why did this seem so odd? I think it was the sign. BLJs might have existed for years without me knowing about it. If there'd been no sign, I'd still be in the dark about them. More than that, the sign suggested there were other people who might have also passed by unawares, not surprised and confused people like myself, but people who wanted this particular product. I imagined them scouring malls and department stores, with no success. Suddenly, a sign! The new, amazing, booty-lifting jeans can be found here! After such a search, so many hours of longing...
Was this a strange thing to want, or was I just being clueless? Had I been away too long? I personally preferred that part of myself (and of others) left by my jeans to hover at a natural altitude. Advertising such a product seemed downright shameless and suggested shameless things about my fellow consumers.
At some point, I realized I'd been stationary in front of a glamorous but not very masculine women's jeans outlet for five whole minutes. Trying to look as casual as possible, I scanned my environment. Pan left... two women on a bench glancing repeatedly at me... could be worse. Nervous slurping of Dr. Pepper. Pan right... gangster rabble approaching with quizzical expressions... slurp, slurp. Time to roll out.
As I strolled away, I ran over a quick laundry list of important questions. Am I be doomed to puzzle publicly over American culture for the rest of my days? Will I ever understand the BLJ phenomenon? And where are my friends, the sociology majors?
Posted by nickles at October 27, 2007 06:12 PM | TrackBackWell. I personally love my jeans that are a size and a half too big because I can wear sweat pants under them if necessary for some fall or winter outing and still look fine.
It's all J-Lo's (the famous girl) fault. I'm still trying to figure out why some women feel it necessary to wear so much make-up. I always think it is advertising the attitude "I don't strive for natural beauty! But I can still be beautiful in a very painted, fake sort of way!". If someone can explain the heavy, obvious make-up phenomenon to me, I'd be a whole lot less confused.
You know, Bobs, I have no idea. The American culture will forever be a mystery to me, but one that I'm willing to live with. Sweat pants? I buy my jeans big to wear my pretty checkered belt but I do longjohns and leggings for cold days.
Oh BLJ. What a stitch.
I mean at least you're not in the dark anymore.
BOB!!!
You should look up Tilly and the Wall lyrics! They eat me up inside. Encourage me to spend less time scheduling and use the time to write poetry. They do things like I do. I'm listening to Coughing Colors now. AHHHH soul is exploding....