"Years ago Lord Voldemort tried to kill you, but your mother gave her life to save you. A love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark. Not a scar. No visible sign. But to have been loved that deeply will give us some protection forever."
– Albus Dumbledore (Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.)
I only have my French Bible with me at the moment, but this is one of my favorite bits from Psalm 107, near as I can make out:
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"Celebrate the Eternal One, for he is good,
his compassion remains forever!
Let the redeemed of the Lord say this,
those whom he has redeemed from the oppressor's hand,
and whom he has gathered from eastern and western countries,
from the north wind and from the southern.
They strayed by the desert, in a lonely way;
they found no livable city.
They were famished and dilapidated;
their spirit faltered within them.
"But then they cried to the Eternal One in their distress,
and he delivered them from their agonies.
He led them by a good road,
in order to arrive in a livable city.
Let them celebrate the Eternal One for his goodness,
for his wonderful works towards the sons of men.
For he has satisfied the craving soul
and filled the famished soul with good things."
they need sleep. i've been working at a friend's apartment doing odd jobs to prep it for habitation, and then coming back to my place in the city for 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night. i'm eating great food and enjoying the companionship of friends, but this morning the lack of sleep pushed me over the edge. i got up at 7, texted my people, and went back to sleep for four hours.
the whole world looks brighter, cleaner, and more hopeful.
my fridge is full of amazing ingredients: melon, apples, carrots, yogurt, wine, juice, calamari, red snapper, really nice mustard, butter...
"where are you people? want to come eat? stay the night and we'll make apple pancakes!"
did i just say that out loud? it's just been one of those weeks. i think sharing space (and food) with people is what i really crave when i get a reprieve from stress. it doesn't help that there are Significant Things happening elsewhere, in the lives of Significant People.
but things are winding up again soon, as folks here return from holidays and as we all start prepping for autumn. there are lots of meetings and new experiences on the horizon, so soon i'll be buried under work and things to think about. on the one hand, that makes it more sad that i can't have more important people hanging around right now. but on the other hand, at least it means there'll be things to keep me distracted from my people-fixation.
(...seriously. apple pancakes, people. apple freaking pancakes.)
what do you do, when you call and the only things you both have to talk about are things that are just too hard to bring up then and there? when you both only want to bring up things that you can only really talk about in person, and who knows when or how that's ever going to happen? and come to think of it, how long has it been since that face-to-face thing happened? too long.
and the best you can manage is to try not to blame yourself for those things, keep it short, say i love you.
bah. humbug.
the inertia of an apartment
cannot be measured,
as one might normally think,
in dirty clothes or unwashed dishes,
or alternatively in trash bagged,
clutter sorted, or floors swept clean.
i measure mine in friends not called,
alarms set to snooze, unread books.
that slow suspicion of being at rest
and staying at rest
comes from the pressure and twinge
of opportunities missed and great ideas
filed under t for "too much work."
these sorts of moments disperse
and come to rest on the physical things,
on furniture and stacks of bills like silent paperweights.
they insinuate themselves
even into the smell and temperature
of a room, as listlessness is seized,
tried on, and worn about the house,
a comfortable sweater.
they are the night-watchmen
that mark the hour upon the walls
with "all is well."